TILAB(osnia)

I don't think I can call this post a TILAS since it has nothing to do with Sarajevo, and I've already used the 'how easy it is to leave' thing once. So this is a generic statement on Bosnia that really makes me happy.

We went hiking to Lukomir today. Lukomir used to be this completely secluded village up in the mountains that was only accessible by a several hour hike. The residents were completely cut off from civilization and modern amenities and whatnot. Over the course of the past twenty years or so, the younger generations decided 'eff this!' and moved to the cities, so now the only residents are all in their 80's and only live there during the summer (since, ya know, they don't exactly have central heat). And now, it's become somewhat of a tourist destination so an access road has been created for the lazier breed of tourist so that they can drive up, take a couple pictures, and turn around and head back to Sarajevo.

Well, we hiked. For the first part anyway. I would've liked to hike back, but our group isn't composed of experienced hikers, and I'd put money on a couple people collapsing if they had to hike for 6 hours in one day. But the hike in was really astoundingly beautiful...the Bosnian countryside truly is stunning. Especially where we were. We were hiking along the Eastern rim of the largest canyon in Bosnia. Technically, according to our guide, the canyon separates Bosnia and Herzegovina. I still haven't completely figured out the difference between Bosnia and Herzegovina, and the Federation and Republika Srpska. I'm not sure I'll ever get it.

Now, it's not a secret that I've been counting the days until I come home. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I feel that my internship is a complete waste of time (4 weeks to write a 6 page paper? Are we serious?) but a lot of it also has to do with the living situation. I'm a very quiet and private person by nature. Being an only child in a single-parent household for a solid portion of my life is likely the reason. I'm very comfortable with silence. I far prefer it to a lot of noise. I like calm and quiet and privacy. I'm making myself sound like a hermit, I know. I do enjoy being around people and being calm and quiet...it's just that I'm not used to a loud lifestyle with constant interaction. It's a fact. So, living in a hostel with 15 other people for two months isn't exactly my idea of a good time. Especially when the 15 other people aren't necessarily those you would've chosen to live with for 2 months. As we found out sophomore year, even when you live with three of your best friends in the same room for four months, things go awry. Quickly. And even on the days when I stay home to try to get some alone time and solitude, the cleaning lady is barging into my room and going to town.

I've tried to find places outside the hostel to get away from it all. I really have. But there aren't any parks. The library is still under construction from when the Serbians bombed it all to hell. There is literally no place in this city to find even five seconds of blissful, uninterrupted, solitary existence.

This is why Lukomir was so wonderful. On the hike up, yes, I had my headphones in blocking out everyone. I may have been a tad anti-social. Oh well. And when we got to the top, we had time to ourselves to wander. I made a beeline for a rock outcropping away from the rest of the group. So far away that I couldn't hear their voices anymore. It was just me and this incredible canyon. Nothing else. The occasional sheep bleat. A flock of birds flew by and I could hear the wind they made even though their wings weren't flapping. That's how silent it was. There was no noise. And the air was pristine, so my lungs finally got a chance to detox from the cooped-up, cigarette smoke infused air of Sarajevo proper. I had ten incredible minutes of nothing but silence (well, ok, Radiohead might have been playing in my headphones...)

It was incredible. I felt truly happy to be where I was at that exact moment, which has been something of a rarity over the course of the past two months. And yeah, it made me even more excited to get back to Colorado (since I can find all of that there too, along with about a dozen other things that I'm aching for) but for ten minutes, I was happy to be in Bosnia.

Srebrenica

Fair warning: This is going to be kind of a downer post. This is not me being negative, it's just a fact that if you aren't a downer about visiting a place where a genocide occurred, then you should probably get some counseling. Yesterday, we went to Srebrenica. And yes, I will say that I was looking forward to it, probably more than I should've been. It's just that as a human rights student who is studying war crimes and genocide and torture, it seemed like the kind of place that I needed to visit in order to validate my interests. I've never been to a location like that; I needed to see if I could actually deal with something that intense.

Well...I dealt with it. I'm still processing, and I'll probably always be processing. I suppose I should be thankful that I can't wrap my head around how something like that is possible. And there's really no way to put into words how I felt being there. I had the foresight to take a video while I was there to record how I was feeling, and my plan was to upload it here, but of course, the Bosnian internet didn't enjoy that much. All I can say is that it is a highly humbling and powerful feeling to stand in the place where thousands of people said their last goodbyes to their families, and minutes later were murdered en masse. It was really hard to smile while we were there.

To be honest, when I hear the rumors that the Bosnians are going to declare war on Serbia in the very near future, I find it hard to get upset. I just hope they can hold it together for another three weeks.

TILAS6: Ramadan

I know...it's weird for someone like me to say that. But it's made life in Sarajevo so much more bearable. There are far fewer people on the streets during the day, fewer people in the bars at night (which is how I managed to survive a round of beer last night) and as a result, the techno is not booming until the wee hours of the morning, so I can actually sleep at night without my headphones in. Not to mention the fact that it's actually been cool at night for the past week or so, so I can actually use my comforter and not sweat to death (if I was religious, I suppose I'd make a connection to God here, but no dice). Being able to sleep at night and not feeling like I'm going to get trampled in a crowd of people on my way home from 'work' is really doing great things to my mood.

Also, I love the Barhana salad at Barhana. Chicken, tuna, fresh veggies, mozzarella and gorgonzola drizzled with olive oil and balsamic. Nom nom nom.

TILAS5: People who don't suck

Today, I am counting myself lucky that there are people on this trip who actively work to make my life better and succeed. It's no secret that I've been having a hard time here, but luckily I've made friends who will take it upon themselves to flood my facebook feed with pictures of kittens and puppies after I experience a really rough start to the morning through no fault of my own. Friends like this one:

For people like her, I am eternally grateful.

On a related note, I really can't stand people who form opinions of you without taking the time to get to know you, and then say hurtful things in a public forum. Uncalled for, rude, and not becoming of a member of civil society.

That's all.

TILAS4: How easy it is to leave...

I know, that doesn't really count, since it doesn't flatter Sarajevo, but oh well.

I just got back from a weekend in Dubrovnik, Croatia, and I am officially in love. Our hostel was actually in a little town called Zaton Mali about 10km north of Dubrovnik proper, but even that was wonderful because it was super quiet, you could see the stars at night, and the beaches weren't crowded. But the old town of Dubrovnik was really spectacular. It's this old coastal medieval fortress, essentially, complete with turrets and a moat. Obviously the town has grown out from the original city walls since the 15th century, but the walls and old city are so incredibly well preserved. For $5, we walked around the top of the wall and got incredible views of the sunset over the Adriatic on top of the orange roofs. I was in absolute awe.

The bus ride from Sarajevo is a mere $50 (round trip) and only takes 6 hours. In theory. In our case, it was more like 12 from start to finish. Somewhere past the first border crossing (whoever decided how the former Yugoslavia was going to be chopped up seriously failed), the bus that Kim and I were on came to a standstill. For as far as we could see, traffic was stopped, to the point where people had turned their cars off, were walking their dogs and popping open beers sitting on their trunks. It seemed as if we were going to be there for a while. Every half hour or so, the bus would move ahead 100 feet as people ahead of us got annoyed with waiting and turned around. But traffic certainly wasn't moving. Our bus driver eventually got word that there was a fatal car accident about 2km ahead, and since there are no shoulders on the roads in the Balkans, and their 'highways' are only two lanes wide, our bus wasn't going anywhere until everything had been cleared. Kim and I stayed on the bus for the first hour or so, but then decided it was a waste and got off to check out the really beautiful sunset:

While out and about, we started chatting with a family from Montenegro and girl from Atlanta who was on the bus with us. It was really quite pleasant. Then we see our bus start to pull away. No biggie - it never moves very far. We can just walk a little further to catch up with it. Only this time, it doesn't stop after 100 feet. It keeps going. I start to have a panic attack. My passport was on that bus. My phone was on that bus. I have no cash on me. I'm somewhere in Croatia on the side of a highway with no way to contact anyone. Holy shit. The bus keeps going. It turns a corner. I can no longer see it. So I start sprinting. Pretty sure the last time I ran that aggressively was during the state track meet in 8th grade, but it was either that or go into a panic attack on the side of the road. I had sprinted about a quarter of a mile, when I hear someone calling my name, coming up quickly behind me. I turn around and see Kim and Jeannine (girl from Atlanta) waving to me from the backseat of the Montenegrin family's car. They pull up beside me, the mom opens up the front passenger side door and tells me to jump in - on her lap. Whatever. It's better than running. The bus eventually stopped about 3/4 of a mile from where it had started, still stuck in traffic. We thanked the Montenegrin family profusely, hopped out of their car, and scrambled back onto the bus to much applause from all the Brits and Americans on it. Needless to say, from that point on, Kim and I did not leave the bus. 

Eventually the traffic cleared (3 hours later) and we got into Dubrovnik around midnight. We had left Sarajevo at 2:30. The shuttle from our hostel was supposed to pick us up at 9:00. Obviously we had no way of contacting them, so we just hoped that they'd come around at some point to try and find us. Wrong. It got to be 12:15 and we realized we'd better find a Plan B. Jeannine didn't have a hostel reserved, so she tagged along with Kim, myself and a Canadian named Dan who had been on our bus and had reservations at the same hostel we did. We went to find a city bus. I asked the bus driver if he knew where 'Hostel Dubrovnik Sunset' was, since none of us had written down the address or had any idea where the stupid thing was. The driver repeated 'Hostel?' and I said 'Yes, Hostel Dubrovnik Sunset, do you know it?' He nodded 'Hostel, yes.' Ok. So we pay the 1.5 kuna to take the bus. He drops us off a mile down the road. Definitely not right, since I knew the hostel was at least 7km outside of town. Turns out he had just dropped us off at the nearest hostel, and if I hadn't been exhausted, I probably would've picked up on that sooner. Luckily, at this random hostel, we could use wifi, find an address for our hostel, and catch a cab to Zaton Mali. By the time we got to bed, it was 3am. Woof.

It's ok though...because this was the view from our balcony:

The weather was perfect all weekend and I got back a bit of my tan so I no longer feel transparent. We explored the island in Dubrovnik harbor and had some delicious seafood. It was really nice being next to a huge body of water again (my apologies to Colorado...) I picked up a pink coral necklace for myself, since Dubrovnik is known for their coral jewelry. Upon telling Dad about it, he replied 'oh lovely, so you're contributing to the depletion of the coral reefs.' Way to be a downer about it.

And, to be honest, by the end of the weekend, I was very ready to get back to Sarajevo. I knew that once I had my first excursion, Sarajevo would feel much more like home, because that's how it went in Switzerland. Don't get me wrong, I would've stayed in Dubrovnik in a heartbeat, but the room was far too small for the 7 people it had in it on Friday night, and the bathroom was not cleaned once while we were there, and the towels were the size of large napkins. I felt a bit dirty by the time we got back last night. So I reveled in my nice hot shower and my huge bed and relative privacy in my 3-person room. Then when I woke up this morning covered in bug bites again, I remembered why I wanted to leave in the first place.

TILAS3: Beers the size of your head...

...that only cost $6.

And the fact that I had veal medallions along with it that were only $12. That same meal in the states would've been $30. Easily.

TILAS2: The Elusive and All-Too-Brief Cold, Rainy Day

Today...was amazing. There had been rumors for the past three days that there was a cold front coming through sometime soon. Of course, there have been rumors of this nature the entire time we've been here, and it always turned out to be false. Talk about the worst case of blue balls ever. When it's 95 degrees with 30% humidity every day...it gets real old, and all you want is one day of reprieve. That never comes. Except for today.

We woke up (I dragged myself out of bed after not sleeping due to an attack by the Bosnian Mystery Bug) and looked around stunned. It wasn't disgusting. We weren't dripping sweat within 30 seconds of waking. We could walk into the common room and not feel exhausted. WHAT IN THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!

It was 58 degrees and sprinkling when we walked to our internship today. I had packed my windbreaker as a precaution, which was lucky, because I was legitimately chilly. HOLY HELL. We even opened the window in our 'office' (AKA former operating room) at work and had to close it part of the way because we were too cold. I know I'm harping on a seemingly mundane event, but I'm telling you, it made all the difference in the world. I didn't feel lethargic. I was happy about life all day. I came home and didn't need to nap. I did, however, immediately put on my sweatshirt and yoga pants and create a nest for myself on the hostel floor:

I didn't want to sleep. I just wanted to back in the glory of being able to wrap myself up in my previously oppressive comforter and snuggle. And oh...did I snuggle. With myself, but whatever. It felt amazing. And I will remain in my sweatshirt and yoga pants all night. While bundled up in bed. And the Bosnian Mystery Bug won't be able to get at me through all of that fabric (or he'll just attack my face...we shall see) and I'll finally sleep well because it won't be like an oven in my room (maybe...just maybe...we can even close the window?! I might be getting ahead of myself...)

Even though I know this will only last one day, and tomorrow will be hot as balls again, just having this one day of relief has made me realize that the heat is really one of the main factors of my displeasure at being here, which makes me feel A LOT better about the whole experience.

And now...I sleep :)