I know...it's officially been three years since I've even attempted to sign into this blog. The Lone Yodeler no longer really holds that much significance since I am not in Switzerland and no longer attempting to yodel. But, let's face it...I'm far too lazy to try and come up with a clever new name for a Bosnian blog. And really, since I only want to use it rant (in contrast to the 'politically correct' blog that we all have to write for a grade here), I'm not sure the title really matters.
I've been in Bosnia for about a week and a half now, and I can safely say that the honeymoon period has worn off. I was absolutely stoked to go overseas again, since the last time that I was abroad (apologies to Puerto Rico...you don't really count as international travel) was when I was in Switzerland, and I was going kind of stir crazy being stuck in the United States for that amount of time. My travel bug was going haywire. So, besides how hard it was to say goodbye to a certain guy and a certain feline, I was fully prepared to love Sarajevo and spend my summer learning amazing things about the war in Bosnia and war crimes and things that I just wouldn't be able to learn anywhere else.
My first mistake was getting an internship through a service learning program. Since I work at the International House at DU, I'm essentially paid to promote it, and I apparently was so good at convincing other people that it was an awesome idea, that I eventually started to believe it was too. I preached to undergrads, day in and day out, that going to Bosnia with a group of other students to live in a hostel and work at various NGO's was an incredible way to spend their summers and that it would be a life changing experience. I told them that even though the Bosnian work ethic was drastically different than the United States (understatement of the flipping century), it would be amazing, because they take a dozen coffee breaks a day, you only end up doing a couple hours of work a week, and still get credit for it. What sounds bad about that?
To be fair, the skeptical side of me did try to reason with the euphoric side. Being the Type-A individual that I am, I did worry about my ability to assimilate into a culture that didn't seem to do a whole lot of anything besides sit around and drink coffee. I talked about my concerns with my director before I left, and she said that it was good that I was acknowledging it but that she thought it would be really good for me to sort of branch out and expand my horizons, if you will. I agreed with her at the time. I have a tendency of getting wound fairly tightly and getting really intense about work, so maybe it would be good for me to take a break from the Northeast work ethic and stop and breathe.
Sometimes, I do stupid shit.
We just had our second 'group session', which already upsets me. I've never been one to sit in a circle and talk about feelings. I internalize most things, unless it really gets to me, and then I'll tell you straight up. I expect the same. I have never been ok with group therapy sessions where I have to sit and listen to everyone elses' concerns, hopes and dreams. Just not something I'm interested in. It's why I dropped Theories of Non-Violence winter quarter. In this session, our director asked us to speak up about any concerns we were having with regards to our internships. After having two beers (yes...two beers...my tolerance has gone to hell since I've been here, thanks to the mouthfuls of cigarette smoke that are part and parcel of every bar here), I felt like I had to speak up and say something. I didn't even mention the Genocide Institute, because at least there I have entertainment in the duo that is Travis and Travis. And hopefully once Enis gets back from the United States, we'll have actual work to do instead of sitting in a room and reading poorly translated texts all day long. All I wanted to mention was the fact that on the first day of my other internship, only half an hour out of the four hours that I was there was actually spent doing work, and I felt useless.
My director essentially said the same thing that she's always said, and it's really starting to get on my nerves. I was told, for the umpteenth time, that I need to understand that Bosnian culture is very different and to appreciate it for it's differences and not make it something that it's not. First of all, I wasn't saying anything negative about the Bosnian culture. I knew coming into this that they had a different work ethic. I just figured that since I'm only working at this place for eight hours a week, that those eight hours would probably be filled with useful work. When I told her this, she asked me what I thought 'useful work' is.
I feel like I'm in kindergarten again. I shouldn't have to explain to someone with a PhD what useful work is. I am here to gain marketable skills that I can put on my resume and use to get a job once I graduate next year. She can tell me all she wants that being here isn't necessarily about the internship, it's about learning about another culture, but that's not why I signed on. I want to do work. I am here to do work. Drinking coffee is awesome, and having down time is awesome, but when I'm already doing that for the majority of the rest of the week, I really need to do actual work at my job or I am literally going to lose my mind. Korbel would be absolutely appalled if they knew how much work I wasn't doing over here, especially after I explained to them that I was doing two internships here for the exact reason of wanting to get enough work experience.
She tried to say that I need to not think about it benefitting only me, but benefitting the people that I'm working with too. My presence at the Genocide Institute is laughable; they already have paid researchers there...I'm pretty sure they couldn't care less about us. If we were translating their painful texts, then maybe we'd matter, but with all the extra rooms in that creepy ass abandoned hospital, I'd be willing to bet that they forget we're there half the time. My presence is certainly felt with the concentration camp organization...since I'm the only other person in the room with the one guy that works there. The half hour that I spent actually translating a document was awesome. That's a skill that I can use to apply for a job next year. The hour drinking coffee and 2.5 hours typing a conversation on Google Translate with Amir? Probably not. Ann said that the interaction is benefitting him...how exactly? He's learning how to type in Bosnian on an English keyboard...that's about the only skill I'm helping him with. Otherwise, the computer does the thinking for both of us. He relies on Google Translate to ask me if I want coffee, for Christ's sake.
I guess I just have no idea why I'm paying over $5,000 for this program, aside from the fact that I need the credit, but that could be easily taken care of with an extra 3-credit class next year. As far as I can tell, I'm spending a LOT of money to live in a less-than-ideal environment, to 'work' at two internships that aren't actually going to teach me anything that I don't already know, and to spend the rest of my time exploring a teeny tiny city that could easily be seen in one day. Most of the people that I'm here with are awesome, but paying $5,000 to make new friends is kind of steep when I've been able to that for free for 24 years. I could've taken the $5,000 and spent it on a furnished apartment rental, plane ticket, food for two months, and hooked myself up with a far more beneficial internship somewhere else. As far as I can tell, the $5,000 provides me with the weekly kum-bay-ah session.
Holy hell I got screwed over.
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